It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
