well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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