Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
