so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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