id be glad to
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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