This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
