dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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