What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
