hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
