I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Send help, water and tortillas.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize