just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she smelled like a LAN party
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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