its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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