Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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