fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize