We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
and you fell through a lawn chair
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
