What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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