I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
