yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
