we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize