i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
