I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
