remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
