Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
