4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
