Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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