she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? đđ
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes âI drove you last nightâ\nâYou got your dick sucked in the back seatâ
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