Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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