I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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