She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
