im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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