i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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