I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
