as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
