Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
