I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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