I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
