my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
