everyone is single if you try hard enough
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize