I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
