My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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