If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
