Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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