My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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