Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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