oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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