You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
