you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize