WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
