Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
