you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
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