she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
This is the high leading the old right now
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
