EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
