I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
