the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
