It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize