why didn't you poke me back
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize