I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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