is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
