Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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