in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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