Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
