You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
