and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
