I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
