he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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