I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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