i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
