Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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