there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
