perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
